Obama proposes piano moving reforms

There is rumor afloat that the administration is contemplating a comprehensive reform of the piano moving industry. I spent 36 years in this special niche as both an employee and employer. I thought we were sufficiently regulated and this news came as a surprise.

A well-connected political friend has clued me in on some of the details. The government will mandate that movers visually inspect the instrument and the pickup and delivery sites prior to the move and provide the customer with a binding written estimate of the charges. I told my friend that would be silly and wasteful since sufficient information can be gleaned from a phone conversation to accurately quote all but 3-4 percent of all moves. Only those require on-site estimates and usually only at the delivery location.

My friend explained that there will be a net savings from all the information collected and the improved customer relations resulting from the binding estimates. Despite the additional time demands of the regulation and higher short term costs, the reform will generate profit over time.

The piano moving czar has further determined that since a tuning is necessary following every move, it will be included as part of the service. I said “A tuning is not always necessary and why should I be responsible for providing it?” My friend replied that Speaker Pelosi had met with some lobbyists for the piano tuners guild, who assured her that it was necessary and it was simply more efficient to include it as part of the moving service.

“What’s next, Medicaid for indigent piano owners?” I groused. “There is some growing concern that separating owners from their instruments at a time of such economic uncertainty could be detrimental to the pianist’s psyche. If we subsidize the owners during the economic downturn, we could sidestep the consequences of the ensuing, widespread depression." my friend advised me. "A small tax on the surtax on the tax on the top 1 percent of wage earners will assure that no musician loses his piano during the recession. Combined with a small contibution from the medical marjuana people, the crisis can be averted."

“What about my reimbursement?” I inquired. My friend comforted me that while some sacrifices need to be made, I should be grateful that mine were only financial. “Besides, every detail will be addressed in the piano owner bill-of-rights that Congress is hard at work on.”

“Do we need all these regulations, the mandates, the subsidies and a customer’s bill-of-rights, – all this oversight to produce what used to be negotiated by the buyers and sellers of services. I’m skeptical.” My friend sighed knowingly “Relax, it worked for health care, didn’t it?”